Well, here goes....

Who am I?

I am a mid-twenty-something who hasn’t ever felt like a real grown-up yet. I just graduated from a university I hated with a degree that I will probably never use (unfortunately). I say that I want to teach, but that might be a lie. I am interested in everything yet commit to nothing…besides my husband. He is the one solid thing in my life. He wants me to do great things and change the world. But I just don’t think that I am good enough to actually make any difference. Although, this attitude is probably why nothing ever does really change. So now I just took a job that I probably am not going to like very much, at a place that is way too far to drive. I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life, my career. I wish I had a passion for something in particular, for anything at all.

I want to know and love Jesus and am trying to learn how to completely rearrange my life to live for His Glory. But my head just won’t shut up and let my heart in on the action. I committed my life to Him without really knowing what that means. I am just trusting that He will always provide for me and love me and always forgive me, as long as I understand that He is the Big Boss.

I wish I could write. I wish I could write a blog. But my life is no where near interesting enough to even get one entry out of every week. This is the most I have ever been able to write about myself in one sitting. And its also probably the least interesting.

I don’t make friends very easily. I have a hard time really getting to know people. Probably because I never know what to say to people. I am terrible at making conversation.

Facebook is the devil. It surrounds me with all these brilliant people that I knew and could relate to once upon a time, and who are doing so many wonderful things like teaching, working for a magazine, going to law school and so on. These people make me realize what a complete nothing I am. I have nothing to show for myself. If I went back to a high school reunion right now, I would be voted “Least Successful” or “Totally Without Reason or Focus” or something else that just reiterated the fact that I have done nothing over the past six years besides get married and switch schools so many times that it took me six and a half years to finish a four year degree.

It sucks every time we talk about the future and owning a home or even just moving to a larger apartment. We don’t even have enough room to breath, let alone have any sort of social or healthy atmosphere. If we didn’t have the patio, I might have gone insane eight months ago (we moved in nine months ago). We only have room for one couch and a chair that is in the middle of the room. We have no place to keep anything so most of our stuff in at my mom’s house. But I do need to be thankful that we have a roof over our heads and (most of the time) food in our pantry.